On Chains

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WomanChainsIn the beginning I never thought that the chains would come, and at the end I never thought that they would go. No one ever told me it would be like this, that my dreams would turn to ashes and come to bury my soul.

The Orthodox world that I see today is nothing like the way of life that I was taught to love. I thought of devotion and fulfillment, of kindness and trust, of give and take, of right and wrong, but I came to see deception and falsehood, cruelty and dishonesty, commands and consequences.

I didn’t think that I was meant to live a life of sadness, that I was meant to stand still and quiet when I finally realized that nothing was going to change and that every day would just bring more of the same.

I never thought that all the people who were so careful with what they wear and eat and do would choose to be so blind to me. I never thought that they would not believe me, that the doors would slam behind me, just because.

I will never believe that evil cloaked in holiness is truth, that the poison in the golden cup will bring me to salvation. I don’t care how long the rabbi’s beard is, how many books he has written, or how many people around the world hear his weekly speech, if he won’t stand up against the sinners I have no need for acceptance.

It doesn’t matter when they say that most people are not like this, because my world is my life and I have seen what happens in the darkness.