On Friendship

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These words are for you, my friend.BFF

I miss you.

I know that you are reading and thinking. I know that you are there.

Not so very long ago, the pieces that you knew of me made sense. But now when you read, you wander, and you wonder if you ever really knew me.

It is hard for me too, you know.

The gates are opening now, little by little, bits at a time. But there is a wall between you and me, a strong wall, a wall of differences, a wall of silence.

I hate that wall, that wall that I built with my words.

It is my fault that you feel this way and not a day goes by when I wish I had never ever dared to say the things I say here, because it costs too much. More

On Chains

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WomanChainsIn the beginning I never thought that the chains would come, and at the end I never thought that they would go. No one ever told me it would be like this, that my dreams would turn to ashes and come to bury my soul.

The Orthodox world that I see today is nothing like the way of life that I was taught to love. I thought of devotion and fulfillment, of kindness and trust, of give and take, of right and wrong, but I came to see deception and falsehood, cruelty and dishonesty, commands and consequences.

I didn’t think that I was meant to live a life of sadness, that I was meant to stand still and quiet when I finally realized that nothing was going to change and that every day would just bring more of the same.

On Snow

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SnowIn the winter it snowed, and the drifts piled up and the streets turned into slippery passageways. It was cold outside but I put on the gloves and grabbed the shovel with my icy hands. It took a long while, and then the driveway was clear.

I went and I came and I saw that the neighbor had made a big pile as he cleared off the car, and he had placed that big pile so that I could not leave.

I felt the force of the ignorant and the power of the survivors in the mountains and molehills of the snowy banks.

Did I mean so very little, or was it that I meant so very much?

It mattered then but it hardly matters now, but every once in a while I wonder what happens when they are shoveled under a pile of dirt, when the snow covers the stone.

On Blogging

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One day I’ll write about it all and today seems like a good day to start.

My life happened in the Orthodox Jewish community, where we all are the same and the Rabbis rule.

I should have baked cakes and I should have listened, but I am me and they are them and now I am free.


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