On Thirty Three Miles

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SchoolEach time I walk through the doors of my daughter’s public high school, my heart pulls me back through the years to the days when I was young. I think about the school I went to, thirty-three miles from this very building, so very close and yet so very very far, thirty-three miles and a million years away.
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An Open Letter To Deb Tambor, A Mother Who Could Not Live Without Her Children

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DebTambor

Dear Deb,

We never met and I never knew you, but on the day that you left us, my heart bled.

I know what it feels like, to live in the darkness of daylight, to feel the swirling masses of people passing like ships in the night.

I know what it sounds like, to scream in the wind and only hear echoes, tears met with the mocking sounds of laughter.

I know what means to be done with today, to not want tomorrow, because tomorrow is but another today.

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On Orphans

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I often wonder about those children, the orphaned ones who lost a parent in the world wars of religion.

I cannot believe that they are happy, that they rejoice in their forced salvation, because how can happiness exist in a heart cruelly twisted between love and faith?

I imagine what it must feel like to be told that your mother or father is a traitorous heretic, that the one who gave you life is doomed to rot in the fiery pits of hell.

I often wonder about those children, and as I think about endless days of pain and shameful months of silence, of years full of self-hatred, my own heart twists and I cry.

On Miseducation

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TorahVodaathNo Torah. No Daas. Just Acceptance of Abuse

There are many times when a Rebbe’s derech of chinuch is difficult on a child. After all, wouldn’t most boys prefer to spend time on their own terms rather than having to sit, write and learn for what is often more than a 9 hour day?

As parents, we trust the mechanchim to find the proper balance betweenn childhood and education, to teach our sons to enjoy learning and to find satisfaction in ameilus batorah.

Most of the time, the yeshiva hadracha is dynamic and effective, this time – it wasn’t.

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On Sundays

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ChildShadowMommy, can’t you come along with us? You can hide and totty won’t see you but I’ll know you are there. I know he won’t hurt me, ’cause I’m his favorite and he loves me. Can I take a cellphone? I’ll hide it in my pocket and he won’t know but I’ll have it and I can call you or 911 if I have to. I’m going to be so good and listen and I won’t get him angry. Can you promise me Mommy that I will be safe today? Please? Promise me – I need to know that I’ll be OK. Bye Mommy…..

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